and the Trolling Awards go to....

TardisROSE for :
my fil masturbated to cafemom 
My Fil is staying at my house for a week. I left cafe mom up on my laptop and I went up to go to bed. I went downstairs to get water from the kitchen and there he was, jacking off to one of the posts on here


ButterMeUp for:
I'm a truck stop prostitute, ask me anything!
Little back ground: I'm 27 and have a 7 yo son. We live in middle GA and I drive to a stop in Metter for my work. I've been in this life for 2 years going on 3. My son does not know but my mom, she watches him for me, thinks I still dance. I don't do drugs and I'm a Christian. I plan on stopping once I graduate, get a job, and have saved up enough for a good down payment on a house on the better side of town for myself, my son, and my mom.

I do it in order to pay for my degree in B.F at a local C.College, my son's school tuition, and our living expenses. I make pretty good money, well enough to support us with a little extras. We are not on any type of aid and I do pay self employment taxes under my false cup cake business


AND

I sell my foodstamps. ASK ME ANYTHING. 
I'm 22 and we get about 400 monthly and another 200 in WIC. I only use my WIC and about another hundred or so of my FS a month. I sell the rest or make cakes/pies/ect to sell. I know it's wrong but I really have no other choice. I'm only working part time on base (only job I could find that I could qualify for) and I'm in school. My pay is just enough to give my mom a little rent money and pay my car note. I sell my FS to pay for a little gas and small things my son needs plus some never basic necessities. We don't eat out, go to the movies, or anything.

Ask me anything.


AND

I bought my 15 y/o DD a vibrater.

We have always had a really open relationship about sex and her boyfriends. Shes been dating her current for abut a year and half, he is a a junior. Last week she went on a group date to our county fair. A couple days later she ask if she could be placed on the pill. I told her sure. I ask her why and if she was ready. She told told me at the fair she and her boyfriend "hooked up" (oral sex). She said after that it was kinda awkward and both of them felt weird about it. She said she doesn't think either of them are really ready to go there yet but that when they are together it's just kinda hard to stop (hence the want for pills).

 I told her that they both are probably not ready for sex but more sexually frustrated than anything else. I told her thats completely normal and that sex before both of them are really ready isnt the answer. She knows sex is a very emotional act, especially your first, and can't be taken back. I also told her there are things they an do as a couple and be herself to releave some of the tension. I talkedher about heavy petting and mutual masturbation and sex toys (for her own personal use). We talked about setting limits and protecttion a little more indepthly than before.

e looked up sex toys on amazon and I helped her pick something out small and talked to her about proper care for it when it get's here. We also discussed putting her on depo. We went and bought condoms for her room and purse, dental dams, spermacide from amazon.

I'm proud of her for being open with me. I would rather know and help than not know and pop up with a grand child or her being regretful for doing something she was not prepared for. I hope that when she really is ready she will come to me again.

How would you have handled it?


AND
Woop! I just got back from a gloryhole!  

I took an early lunch to go meet some other people at a gloryhole. Its inside of a bookstore and only for lunch and right before closing around 4. I have to go during lunch because my kids get out of daycare at 3.30.

Anywhoo I've been trying to get a closet for about 3 weeks now. It's always culled by the time I get there. I was able to go early and got a closet.

I ask if either man was married, both said no so hopefully that was truthful. I'm might like to act a little sluttly from time to time but I'm no home wecker.

Have any of you ladies been to one?
Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 11, 2013 at 11:45 AM 




Stephy87 for Martha




PinkyLouwho430 for
Masturbating my Kitten - FINAL UPDATE ITS DONE

I have a small kitten. She is 5 months old, and she was acting weird today. She kept rubbing her privates along anything she could find and she kept licking herself. I was very worried about this.

We do not allow "self pleasure" in our homes, especially by young kids (or animals for that matter).i called the vet to explain this predicament and he said she's going into heat. I refuse to have kitten uterus blood all over my things. Plus my kids will ask lots about it and they are too young to learn about that kind of stuff.

Google said you can use a qtip (masturbating them) to force a cat out of heat. Has anyone tried this? Can I be charged for like kitten masturbation by force? She's getting fixed as soon as she's over this.

UPDATE: DH has offered to do it when he gets home tonight from work and the kids in the bed so that he can help if need be. He's also picking up gloves and we have Q-tips.


It's done. The description pinned it right. She moaned and screeched and really didn't move much. As soon as she was done she got up and went to lay on the couch but the q-tip was still in her. When DH tried to get it out she got upset so he waited a few minutes before trying again.



epoh for
Omg I can't believe this just happened to me. Someone help! *UPDATE*
I got horny. I was taking a shower right after it happened so I decided to use my shower head. Well, my husband has this thing with fisting me so I decided to "fist" myself with the shower head.



It's stuck.



Omg!



Someone help! What should I do?



UPDATE
my husband came home. I called him right after this happened. He grabbed some lotion and Vaseline and the combo of the two with some bearing down helped get it out.

Yes, I keep my phone in the bathroom when u shower. No, I'm not a troll. These things happen. Yes my shower head is small, and yes my vagina can stretch (because of the fisting).

I thought I'd let you all know. Thanks for the suggestions.
Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 27, 2012 at 7:01 PM



laura_simss for her 10 million troll posts.




Mel0dy for her apple vag
http://www.cafemom.com/group/115189/forums/read/17393943/I_have_a_apple_stuck_in_my_EDIT

You know where..... WHAT DO I DO? please help I can't go to the ER my BIL works there.

Thanks for all the help ladies not................. I tried to squat and push but it did not work so I ended up using a fork and I pulled it right out. But now i'm bleeding a little bit. is that okay?
Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 2, 2012 at 12:36 AM